For us, as for thousands of parents up and down the land, Sunday was the start of the new kids’ football (soccer) season. Like many others, we shrugged on several layers of outerwear, brewed a flask of coffee and trekked off to the far reaches of the county to a muddy field to watch the kids play football. Ninety minutes later, we smiled wearily at the cheering opposition parents, wished them well for the season and trekked home again.

As it happens, the team that the kids played yesterday was lovely, with polite supportive parents and a pleasant enough ground. Although a coffee bar would have been a bonus. A coffee bar would always be a bonus. But as a kids’ football veteran, I have seen things which beggar belief. Amongst the lowlights are having a coach approach us to ask if his boys had thumped our boys 11-0 or 12-0 (he wasn’t quite sure), and hearing supportive parents shout helpful things to 8 year olds including ”Oi! Have you left your shooting boots at home?”, ”Do you need glasses?” and eventually ”And about bloody time!” when the poor lad finally scored. The point of rock bottom must have been watching two of the opposition lads fighting each other before kick off, egged on by their parents, one of whom was shouting “Go on! Kick him!”, whilst our kids looked on in horror. Needless to say, we lost that game as our kids were terrified to go near them.

The general shouting and screaming by parents (“come on! COME ON!” followed by sighing and eye rolling), the teams who turn up with umpteen layers of expensive matching kits, the teams who turn up and have home and away kits……  we’ll gloss over them. That’s just standard fare. My point is that this is football at the very lowest level. In fact, newsflash: it’s very unlikely that any of these kids are ever going to be in the Premier League. If little Tommy hasn’t been spotted yet by a scout, he is never going to be. Let him enjoy his football for what it should be – an opportunity to keep fit, learn a few footballing skills and gain an understanding of teamship and why it’s important in life.